The Hanged Man and the Horned God

Image is another fun picture from The Mattress Factory. Artist is Isla Hansen. This little creature made me smile, and smiling is needed in the world today. So - look at the grinning face of this glorious pink winged creature from Isla's imagination and smile.

I had my tarot cards read the other day. Just for the heck of it. I had a particular issue in mind - my job. It hit a little close to home, I will be honest with you. It indicated a loss of control and an inability to let things go, and a focus on missed opportunities, urged action in the present to change the things I desire to change....and ended with the future bringing a letting go of limiting beliefs and unhealthy work environments. huh.

I requested my college transcripts today to look into continuing education. It's been over 20 years now. Part of me thinks there is no point in persuing a career change this late in life, another part of me doesn't want to spend another 22 years in a basement working at a job that pays the bills but steals my chance to do anything else that enriches my life. My mom is constantly reminding me that nobody loves their job and everyone experiences burnout. But I have also watched her work a job she hates for years just to have a job. Isn't there a better option? A balance? Not everyone is lucky enough to score a job they love all the time, but isn't there a balance to be had between feeling stuck in a job that doesn't work with the best of your abilities?

I know I am in the wrong place. Counselors and even the person hired to talk to us about the job environment have told me I am in the wrong place. I have a feeling if I stay in the wrong place just to have something I will grow even older with even more regrets that I never tried to find something that suited my skill set.

All I am missing is money and time; once I figure out how to make it work I can make it work. Even if it is just an online class here or there. First step I think is to talk to a career counselor about what is out there and make a plan to learn the skills I need to succeed. I can. I will. Even if I am old.

Ha.

I've had to give up on some dreams that may not happen. I may be alone and fat the rest of my life -- but that doesn't mean I have to wallow in misery. That doesn't mean I have to give up the rest of my life to pining for things I don't have or have lost. I can however, control what I do to change the things I can change - like my mentality about my own worth beyond my body and beyond if another person finds me lovable. I find me lovable!

And I deserve to have a fulfilled life, not just one where I am existing.

Ok, ending the overflow of emotionality. Hopefully I will have some creative things done to share soon and the blog will be more about that than my secret rantings about personal matters.

Enjoy the day. Find something beautiful. Don't forget it's not too late to do what you love the most.

Bambi Lynn